• US BY US COLLECTIVE

“Calm down, Molly the maid”

Updated: Nov 12, 2018

If you’re an avid twitter user like myself, I’m sure you have come across some outrageous tweets where some outrageous “standards” are being set - from women with tweets to basically get men to tell them how good of a woman they are. It’s called the pick me phenomenon; otherwise known as molly the maid enthusiasts. Recently, a mother found it adequate to upload a picture of her young baby girl - no older than 5 years old- telling Twitter how she’s prepping her to be a wife “someday”. Tweets like this rarely find their way on my moisturized timeline - because the women I choose to follow, are not normally in agreement with this bafoonery.

To make my point, so much is demanded for women - from society, from men and even from other women. It’s like we are on a constant catering state whereas the same isn’t happening for us. We are expected to carry the weight of the world on our backs and raise grown men while simultaneously finding ourselves in a world that is out to get us. Imagine a mother, instead of being enthusiastic about enrolling her daughter in extracurricular activities, is using her as bait to get attention from insecure men. Moreover, I’ve been observing that the world isn’t getting easier for women whether it be because of sex trafficking, rape or domestic violence. Little is being done. However, the focus is still on ways to cater to men and it’s frustrating.I could’ve chosen many subjects to write about but I felt as though this one needed all the attention, especially after I sat down and watched Dr. Ford’s chilling sexual assault confession on national TV, in front of indifferent men, who couldn’t wait for that to be over so they could proceed on sitting an alleged sexual predator in the SCOTUS who has managed to pass his character fitness in order to become a successful attorney and move on while a then little girl – a now woman battles to deal with the fact that her innocence was stolen from her about 30 years ago. 

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage”. -  Chimamanda Adichie 

Going back to my first point, we, especially black women, are molded everyday into this version of ourselves that has to be acclimatized to our surroundings from taming our hair for jobs, to being extremely articulate in white spaces so we don’t fit certain stereotypes. On top of that we cannot even be ourselves when it comes to men because there’s another long list of requirements set out that we’re supposed to follow according to the ones who cook, clean, stay home and don’t party in order to successfully bag a fella. It’s like we’re never given a chance to authentically be ourselves. The sad thing, is that this idea of a perfect woman who does it all is being promoted by prominent influences such as Ciara, Ayesha Curry and Amara. All women who could've used their platforms to lean towards promoting women without decreasing their values based on what they can offer a man. 

Lastly, while it is understood that as we grow up we learn to love the idea of differentiating ourselves from the bunch in order to be seen as one of a kind, don't forget that you can market and project yourself however you please without feeling the need to tear down another woman who isn’t necessarily what you deem to be acceptable. 

Written by Mendi